Five Top Tips for Better Communications

We all communicate constantly throughout the day. Mostly we communicate on auto-pilot, throughbody language and unthinking responses; brief verbal replies, a shrug of the shoulders, a reactive scowl or smile. All these are ways to communicate how we are feeling, but without much conscious appreciation of how we convey what"s on our mind or how we come across to others.

Let"s look at five top tips for better communications:

- Focus and really listen to what the other person is saying. Be aware of how they appear to be feeling. This requires being fully present with them, giving your undiluted attention to them and being interested in what they have to say. Active listening involves demonstrating that you have heard what they have said. By looking at them as they speak, nodding, waiting for them to finish, perhaps paraphrasing some of what they have said back to them as a question, you prove that you are interested and respectful of them and what they have to say.

- Be clear as to what you want to say. When there is a sensitive matter to discuss or a difficult or conflict situation it is important to think before you speak, decide on what your issues or concerns really are and what you want to convey. This way you focus your mind on your key points and are better able to retain that clarity.

- Pick an appropriate time. Especially when there is a potentially difficult topic to discuss it can be tempting to blurt something out at random and not allow adequate time to discuss the matter properly. At times like this it is more respectful and more conducive to a positive outcome to arrange a mutually acceptable time so the conversation can happen properly. Some people like to agree a code word in advance so that if one person starts to feel distressed or overwhelmed they can use it to introduce a short break during which they can calm themselves down.

- Avoid accusations. Effective communications require a two-way exchange of ideas, thoughts and information. Accusations often result in an attack and defense mindset, or an, "I only said that because you... " where the conversation goes completely off point. Miscellaneous examples and accusations can result in the discussion dissolving into acrimonious bickering. Indeed, many couples find that this can become a regular pattern. Relationship counseling can help provide a more structured setting in which to explore issues, stay on track and introduce more meaningful communications into the relationship.

- Take responsibility for how you feel. Rather than blaming or accusing the other person or expecting them to be psychic it is far more effective to take responsibility, say how you feel and explain why you are upset about something. Often the other person will become more supportive, understanding and will be keen to help the situation resolve. Equally, take responsibility and instead of trying to always please others, avoid confrontation or not be a nuisance, learn to improve your confidence levels and find your voice. Counseling and hypnotherapy can be one route to improving this situation and is a positive way to overcome past issues, free your personality and learn to express your feelings more constructively.