READ FOR FUN 12

A distraught man goes to see a psychologist. "How may I help you?" the doctor asks. 

"Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I’m lying in bed and a dozen women walk in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me."

"And then what do you do?" the doctor asks. 

"I push them away," the man says. 

"Then what do you want me to do?" the doctor asks. 

"Break my arms! " says the man.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, since the audience would be different each week, the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the captain"s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show ...

"Look, it"s not the same hat!" 

"Look, he"s hiding the flowers under the table!" 

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn"t do anything, it was the captain"s parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What"d you do with the boat?"

Two detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun? What the heck is a golf gun?"

"I"m not certain, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn"t help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What"s your secret for a long happy life?" 

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise." 

"That"s amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six, " he said.

And did you hear about the politician who went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "I"m sorry, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side."

The politician interrupted, "Well, that"s normal, isn"t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"

The doctor replied, "That"s true. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn"t anything right, while on the right side there isn"t anything left."