READ FOR FUN ( 8 )

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that"s vanity? 

Second girl: No, it"s imagination.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, Mummy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," she replied as she began to remove the cream with a tissue.

"What"s the matter," asked little Johnny. "Giving up?"

A young woman of indeterminate hair colour went into a bank to withdraw some money. For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself. 

She opened her handbag, took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it"s me all right."

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside
service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to
be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the
first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and
being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived
an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch,
but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side
of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I
assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was
the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating
their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul.

As I preached, the workers began to say, "Amen," "Praise the Lord,"
and "Glory!" I preached, and I preached, like I"d never preached
before, from Genesis all the way to Revelation.

I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. As I
was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the
workers saying to another, "I ain"t never seen nothing like that
before, and I"ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Little Johnny"s kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted Men tacked to a bulletin board.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn"t you keep him when you took his picture?"