READ FOR FUN 4

Little Johnny"s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn"t you keep him when you took his picture?"

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off the field. The student wrote his thesis on this and graduated.

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you"re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that"s why."

My Mother taught me more LOGIC -
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don"t come running to me."

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You"ll sit there "till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I"ve told you once, I"ve told you a million times - Don"t Exaggerate!!!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
"If you don"t stop crossing your eyes, they"re going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
"If you don"t eat your vegetables, you"ll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
"You"re just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
"When you get to be my age, you"ll understand."

And ... JUSTICE -
"One day you"ll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

After returning to the building site from purchasing supplies at the local hardware shop, the foreman addressed his workmen and delegated the day"s duties.

"Tom, take Jim and Chris down and finish digging out the drainage ditch. Bill, keep running the electricity leads, and Wong, you"re in charge of the supplies."

The men went about their designated duties, and it wasn"t until some hours later that the foreman realized that the supplies were still in the back of the truck. Not seeing Wong anywhere around, the foreman went in search of his wayward worker.

Just as the foreman had given up hope, Wong jumped out from behind a drum and yelled, "SUPPLIES!"